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07 May 2013 @ 06:47 pm

… Apparently, everything I do is a burden, and any attempt I make to help others or do anything is forgotten the moment I dare to misunderstand a social cue and repeat someone criticizing someone else (albeit with a proviso), thus making it sound like GASP they were criticizing that person.

And despite the fact that my very existence is now clearly an unwanted burden, it’s unfair and insulting for me to suggest they’d prefer if I was dead.

I can’t live with this anymore. I can’t live with being treated like I’m worthless and never do anything any time I make a misstep, and with my anger or depression always treated as invalid while any nasty thing others say about me is valid and just because I screwed up because of my depression, or my neurological disorder, or just because I don’t know any alternative is just and right and good. I live in an abusive household, and I need to either leave or die… but I’m not strong or competent or capable enough to do either.

No-one thinks I’m capable of anything… and I’m probably not. I’m just a useless failure and burden that should be institutionalized for the sake of everyone.

07 January 2013 @ 02:02 pm
I'm going out for a walk. I'm not currently planning to return.
05 January 2013 @ 04:37 pm
… I’m out. People aren’t worth it. x.x;They’re disgusting, irrational,
self-centered, abusive monsters, and if possible I’ll dedicate my life
to wiping them all out.
19 September 2011 @ 11:07 am
Racism, sexism, trans-hatred, gay-hatred... They are never Punk. Never
have to worry if those will play in Peoria.
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
02 May 2011 @ 08:38 am
This is the story for my Final Exam for Literature. Putting after the cut.

Read more...Collapse )


Current Mood: creativecreative
12 March 2011 @ 09:00 am

Here’s a provisional character sheet. I need names for my character and contact/anchor, but I’d also like input, suggestions, corrections, comments, or pies. But chocolate cream pies, please, not fruit pies. And not those ones that are more of a pudding than a cream, either. Something like French Silk.


Name: ? (Still deciding on one)

Imperator: ? (Planning to actually use this in a game, so waiting for then to fill this in)

Passions and Skills:
Passion: I want to comfort and support my Mistress. (5)
Superior Skill: Comfort (3)

Bond: I comfort and support my Mistress (4)
Bond: I still care for my former mistress (2)
Bond: I bring joy and respite (2)
Affliction: I am a thing of grace and beauty (3)
Affliction: I bring out the child within (3)


Dolls comfort and support children or children-at-heart (3)
Dolls are things of grace and beauty (2)
Dolls bring out the child within (2)

Aspect 0 — AMP 6
Domain 1 — DMP 6
Persona 5 — PMP 6
Treasure 1 — TMP 6


Domain (Dolls):

0: Know when something endangers Dolls
1: Create small, temporary dolls; make dolls more beautiful or graceful for an hour or two; make dolls more able to bring out the child in people for an hour or two; make dolls more comforting and supportive of children for an hour or two
2: Find out what has happened to a doll
3: Make dolls sturdier; more graceful and beautiful; better able to comfort and support their children; enhance a doll’s ability to bring out someone’s inner child
4: Create dolls; Call dolls to me; Make dolls act
5: Destroy dolls; remove a doll’s grace, beauty, ability to comfort and support children, or inner child; gather information from all dolls in the world
6: Relocate a doll; Change a doll’s destiny so it finds a good or bad child to take care of it; Ensure that a doll or its memory will last forever; make a doll able to comfort and support a child through anything; grant a doll immense beauty and grace; empower a doll to turn someone into their inner child
7: Bury a continent beneath so many dolls that future generations will assume it was some sort of irresponsible toy junkyard; summon up an army of dolls; control dolls throughout the world to rise up against those who treat them cruelly.
8: Destroy all dolls in the world; make a doll hideous and graceless; make a doll completely incapable of caring for children; remove a doll’s ability to bring out someone’s inner child entirely
9+: Change a doll’s destiny so it guides its child to become a messiah; transplant all dolls on Earth to the rings of Saturn; Manipulate gangsters’ girlfriends (“Dolls”); Manipulate things that have similar properties to dolls

Persona (Dolls):

0: Recognize people/things with a strong connection to dolls
1: Make something slightly more or less beautiful, graceful, able to care for children, childlike, or able to bring out the child in others
2: Incarnate in any doll in the world
3: Make myself more doll-like — mostly useless; already a doll
4: Make someone comforting and supportive to children; make something beautiful and graceful; make something more childlike or able to bring out the child in others; turn something into a doll
5: Make something no longer a doll; make something no longer a toy; remove something’s inner child or ability to bring out childlike traits in others; make something ugly or graceless; make something unable to support or comfort children; incarnate into all dolls in a city
6: Bind someone to protect dolls; bind someone to own a specific doll; turn dolls against a person; make myself beautiful and graceful beyond compare; make myself nigh-omnipotent at comforting and supporting children; make myself able to literally bring out someone’s inner child — turning them into it, or incarnating it as a secondary being.
7: Turn someone into their inner child, or give them the ability to do so to others; make someone masterful at comforting and supporting children; make someone graceful or beautiful on par with the most lovely and unattainable of dolls
8: Make something harmful to children; obliterate someone’s inner child, or make it so that they suck the inner child out of others; make something as graceless and ugly as anything has ever been; make something the very antithesis of a doll or toy.
9: Make a city in which dolls and their Properties are venerated above all things; bind all the spirits of a city to protect a child’s doll

Current Mood: restlessrestless
15 February 2011 @ 04:34 pm

There is a prevailing attitude that fantasy, wonder, and magic are bad, and wrong, and evil... but despite what far too many will tell you, it does not come from science. Science celebrates the wonder in the atom, the magic of the cell, the fantasy of what the world may yet become, if only we knew more.

So, whence does this rejection of such actually come?

It comes from religious extremists, calling fantasy and magic tools of evil, for to truly wonder at the world is the first step to questioning, and they thrive on blind faith.

It comes from corporatists and capitalists who think creativity hurts their bottom line, that joy is poisonous to industry, and that beauty has worth only in their ability to sell it.

It comes from politicians who know that if one truly finds wonder, finds magic in life, they will not put commerce ahead of the environment, will not put the lives of clumps of cells ahead of the lives of actual people who could be saved by research or necessary abortion, will not support execution, war, unnecessary imprisonment, all things that literally and figuratively destroy lives.

It comes from social conservatives who fear that if people can imagine how the world might be better, they would change how the world is.

It comes from every corner of our world that is poisonous and vile, and depends desperately on our not opening our eyes to see that it must end.

Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
06 February 2011 @ 05:45 pm
I need to decide on which of the following opening lines to expand on with 5, 7, or 10 possible second lines.

Suddenly, a frog croaked in the distance.

Like a bipedal walrus, the man wobbled awkwardly into the bar.

A shot rang out as a child screamed.

It was on a night in June that my mother vanished.

The children skipped cheerfully through the field of corpses, laughing and humming nonsense songs.

At the sound of a bell, everyone in the room exploded, bursting like overfilled water balloons.

The famous snail explorer, Shelby Skids, had finally reached the moment he had waited his entire life for – the discovery of the lost Temple of the Golden Gastropod.

Upon hearing news of the impending invasion, little Suzy Dickinson fell down dead on the spot.

Now, once, the Sun was eaten by a giant toad, and this is the story of how we got it back.

Last Thursday, everyone over the age of 10 spontaneously turned into puddles of pudding – tapoica pudding, at that, not something good like chocolate.

Current Mood: confusedconfused
28 October 2010 @ 04:45 pm
Solarbird made a Livejournal post that needs to be read and obeyed -- if you're uncomfortable calling them over this, find some way to contact -- I did, but I'm still planning to call them if I can work up the nerve. This must be protested in the strongest terms possible. I normally don't post about political issues at this particular blog, but this needs to be condemned. It is disgusting and horrifying, and Apple is giving tacit approval to the views it endorses by allowing it to exist on their non-open platform.
Current Mood: enragedenraged
24 October 2010 @ 09:16 pm

My mere existence, my every attempt at interaction seems to cause others pain, sooner or later... I can't help anyone... I can't even fail to hurt anyone... The only way I can stop it that I can see is to cut myself off from everyone else, completely.

Let's get one thing out of the way. I can't kill myself. I promised to call someplace before I did, and I can't simply break a promise. However, I can't remember where I was supposed to call, and if I tried asking Mom, it would worry her, and she probably wouldn't tell me.

Simply giving up online communication -- which is most all of my communication -- has never worked, either. I start feeling less depressed, forget that I can only hurt people, and get back on... and then the cycle begins again. No amount of will or desire to stay away seems to keep me from coming back.

So what can I do? How can I stop hurting people? How can I cut myself off from everyone so I never hurt them again?


Current Mood: depresseddepressed